the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The power of my boobs compel you
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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