Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
