I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
