My first STD was from a foam party
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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