dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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