My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
