Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
