I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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