the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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