i don't like sucking hair
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
