I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
In America we eat man semen.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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