The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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