I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
