Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
