All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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