That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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