hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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