At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
