I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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