I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
