Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
