I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Edward fifth and chaser hands
3pm strippers are depressing
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
