Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
