nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
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