she looked like the before picture.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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