he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
