East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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