Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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