Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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