Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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