My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
