FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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