I just gift wrapped bread.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
