3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
porn star boner night. come get it.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Randomize
