So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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