I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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