i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize