when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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