this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
His nipple licking is glorious
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