just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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