You smell like stripper and shame
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he thought i was a dude.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
