you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
