who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
cat food counts as protein by the way
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
