Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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