i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
There r osticjed everywhere
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
