Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
