So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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