as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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