That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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