Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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