girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize