I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
