You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
