If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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