I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
