Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Pooping to opera.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
