my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It's blow job season.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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