I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
