i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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