May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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