Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize